


Determined, Not Desperate

by LovingGwendolaj



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Action & Romance, Action/Adventure, Braime - Freeform, Brienne x Jaime - Freeform, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Time, Knights - Freeform, Love, Romance, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:01:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23686570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovingGwendolaj/pseuds/LovingGwendolaj
Summary: Brienne is shocked to find out that Lady Catelyn is still alive, somehow she survived the Red Wedding. The only problem is, she’s been brought to King’s Landing and handed over to King Tommen. Brienne is determined to keep her vow and save Catelyn so when Lady Stark demands a trial by combat Brienne offers to be her champion.  With The Mountain severely injured after his fight with Oberyn, to the shock of everyone, Cersei names Jaime the champion for the realm.It’s not a fair fight. It doesn’t make any sense. But can Brienne kill the man she loves to keep her vow?
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Comments: 43
Kudos: 76





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’m taking a break from my other fics to give this Braime thing a go. Hope you enjoy!

After Joffrey’s death, Sansa’s disappearance and Tyrion’s arrest there was an urgency for Brienne to get away from King’s Landing. She needed to find Lady Sansa and keep her safe, just like she had vowed to do. She was already quite irritated with herself that Sansa had slipped away, feeling like a failure before she’d even started. It was better that she was long gone, of course it was, but Brienne should have been with her, by her side, to lay her life on the line to protect her if necessary. 

Now, a few days later she was standing on the edge of the city, wearing the shiny new armor Jaime had made for her with a brand new Valyrian steel sword, she had just named Oathkeeper, strapped to her hip. He was there to say goodbye, as choosing duty over love was breaking her heart into a million pieces. Yes, it was true, just like Cersei accused her of - she had fallen in love with Jaime Lannister. 

Not that it mattered anyway, she knew he didn’t feel the same. She had learned though, that he was true to his word and far more loyal than she would have ever believed when they first started out on their journey together. He could no longer turn Sansa over to her because she was gone, so he had done the next best thing - given her the armor, the weapon and a - well, something that was supposed to resemble a squire. She had tried to give Podrick back, but Jaime guilted her into taking the boy with her and she finally agreed. 

Brienne was staring into his eyes, knowing she needed to go, but also fully aware this could be the last time she ever looked into those eyes again. Her heart was pounding, aching, breaking, all at the same time. An absurd voice in her mind suggested that she tell him, but she quieted that thought before it consumed her. It was a bad idea. It was pointless. It would only cause her hurt and likely give Jaime and Cersei something to laugh about after she was gone. 

“I -“ she started to speak when a distant noise caught her attention. It sounded like horses. She could tell by Jaime’s expression that he heard it too. “What in the name of the Seven,” she muttered. Could they be coming for me? She wondered, feeling a brief flash of panic, until she realized the sound wasn’t coming from King’s Landing, it was from the other direction. They were coming towards the city. 

“Who could that be?” Jaime mumbled. As the sound got closer it was clear there were more than just a couple horses. There were also some faint hoots and hollers. 

“Should I go? Should Podrick and I hide?” She asked, waving the boy to her side. 

“No, no, you’re with me. It’s fine,” he said calmly. “I don’t think my Father was expecting anyone,” he added, looking puzzled. They stayed on the Kingsroad, waiting to see who would appear. Brienne couldn’t help but feel nervous. A woman loyal to the Starks in Lannister territory was dangerous and there were so many uncertainties swirling around. 

Eventually the source of the noise came into view. Off in the distance they could see a group of men on horses - looked to be about a dozen. They were happily singing some raunchy tavern song she wasn’t familiar with and they seemed as though they had likely drank their fair share of ale or wine quite recently. 

“Just a bunch of drunks it seems,” Jaime commented, continuing to hold ground in the middle of the road. Bronn had joined them as well, and the four of them stood waiting for the group to arrive. The Kingsroad was busy with merchants and peasants, but a large, rowdy group of men, could mean trouble. Or they could be looking for a brothel perhaps, Brienne though. Surely Bronn can help with that, she remarked bitterly to herself, glancing over at the rough looking man. 

“Halt,” Bronn said loudly as they came closer. The men stopped their horses, three in front and the rest in behind. 

Jaime stepped forward. “What is your business in King’s Landing?” he asked. 

“Ser Jaime,” one man said, immediately hopping off his horse and stumbling, before bending a knee in front of him. “We have a gift - for the - uh - is it still a King?” he stammered. Word of Joffrey’s death would have spread quickly, but the fact that Tommen was the new King may not have made it to them yet. 

“King Tommen, yes,” Jaime nodded, indicating for the man to get to his feet. . 

He struggled and almost fell over, but managed to upright himself. “We have a gift for King Tommen.” The man turned and waved, “Bring her forward.” 

Brienne watched as they shoved someone, presumably a woman, with a bag over her head to the front. She was bound with ropes, and a man on each side of her held her roughly by the arms. “Who is that?” Jaime asked. 

The men laughed and one of them yanked off the cloth bag. Brienne gasped when she saw who was standing there. “Lady Catelyn Stark,” the man announced proudly. 

Brienne felt sick to her stomach. Catelyn - she was alive. She’d survived the Red Wedding. There were rumors, people swore they saw her alone, out in the woods, but the stories told by those who were there said her throat had been slit from ear to ear, so Brienne refused to believe there was any chance she was still alive. She blinked, and then blinked again. But nothing made the woman disappear. It was Catelyn - she had no doubt about it. The rough jagged scar across her neck made Brienne’s stomach lurch. How? How could someone survive that? 

As the shock wore off slightly Brienne realized her duty had suddenly changed. The woman she had sworn to protect was still alive, and she had an oath to keep. “Unhand her at once,” she said, stepping forward, pulling her sword out. 15 drunk men also drew their weapons, along with Bronn who took a step closer to her. Brienne didn’t know if he was on her side or against her at that point. 

“Back away wench,” a sour looking man slurred. “The only person we’re giving her to is the King. Now step aside.” 

“You will let her go,” Brienne demanded. “Or I will kill every single one of you.” 

They laughed. Of course they did. She was used to large groups of men not taking her seriously and this was no different. Maybe she couldn’t take on 15 at once, even 15 drunk men, but she had Jaime, Pod and Bronn. Surely they would help her. 

She glanced back at Jaime over her shoulder and he shook his head. “Stand down, Lady Brienne,” he said softly. She felt instantly betrayed and took a step closer to the group of men. 

She met Catelyn’s eye and was surprised when the woman smiled at her. It was unnerving. A strange reaction. She didn’t seem in fear for her life at all. She trusts me, Brienne decided, I can’t let her down. “Let. Her. Go.” 

“Brienne.” She heard his voice and then felt his hand on her shoulder. “Let them pass. Please.” She shook it off, but as soon as she did Bronn came at her, waving the men through as he kept her back. “I’m sorry,” Jaime apologized somewhere behind her. 

Part of her wanted to fight Bronn, beat him and then go after the group, but she knew he was a skilled swordsman and it wouldn’t be an easy fight. By the time she won, if she even could beat him, the group would be long gone and likely have already handed over their prize. Brienne stood down and put Oathkeeper back. “I’ll save you my Lady,” she called out loudly after Catelyn. “I swear by the old Gods and the new.” 

She spun to face Jaime, fury rising up inside her. “You made a vow,” she hissed. 

“I vowed to give you Sansa and while I did fail and that and I’m terribly sorry - that’s not Sansa,” he said, pleading for understanding with his eyes. “If I let you take off with Catelyn Stark and word got out - “ he sighed. “Not only would my head be on the chopping block, but there would be soldiers out there hunting you both down. You would never find Sansa - or Arya if she’s still alive. You’d be lucky to make it 30 miles before they found you.” Brienne scowled. It only made her more angry that he was probably right. “You should go now, while you still can,” he said urgently. “Go find Lady Sansa and protect her. There’s nothing you can do for Catelyn Stark now.” 

Brienne was already shaking her head. “That’s not true. She’s entitled to a trial. If she chooses a trial by combat I can be her champion.” 

Jaime closed his eyes and rubbed his face with his left hand. “Brienne, you’re good. Actually you’re great and you could beat almost every Knight in King’s Landing - but you can’t beat the Mountain. We both know that.” 

She put her hand on the hilt of her sword for comfort. “The Mountain has to survive trial by combat for Tyrion first,” she said with a shrug. 

“Tyrion? What? We don’t know that -”

“Ser Jaime, don’t be daft,” she interrupted. “You know Tyrion will demand a trial by combat. It’s his only chance. A slim chance, but at least a chance.” 

“You’re probably right,” he muttered. “But it doesn’t matter,” he continued. “I can’t let you throw your life away like this. Just go, please - go find Sansa - you can still save her and protect her. Lady Stark will understand and thank you for it.” 

“I made a vow,” she said emphatically. “I swore my life for hers and if that’s what it comes down to - so be it.” 

“You don’t both need to die,” Jaime snapped. “You lose the fight and she’s dead anyway.” 

Brienne shrugged. “I have to try.” 

It was a somber ride back to the city. Bronn and Podrick rode up ahead and she hung back, side by side with Jaime. “I don’t know how long I can protect you,” he said, as they made their way through the city gates. 

“I don’t need your protection,” she snapped. She was still angry with him and didn’t see that changing anytime soon. 

Jaime ignored her. “But I’ll do my best.” 

She glanced over and met his eye. She saw something she didn’t expect. Compassion maybe? Or was it just pity? No, it was something more - something she couldn’t quite put her finger on right then, but whatever it was - it felt good. Despite her best efforts to hang onto it, her anger faded some. “Thank you Jai - Ser Jaime,” she finished formally. The last time she’d looked into his eyes like that she’d believed it was the final time, now she was looking into them again and the future was even more uncertain. She turned to face forward and took a deep breath. She now had a new mission and this one would likely kill her, but her honor, duty, and the vow she’d made meant her purpose in life now - was to save Lady Catelyn.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for the kind words on the first chapter. This one is setting things up a little more for what I have planned. I hope you enjoy it ❤️❤️❤️

When they got back to the Red Keep Jaime led Brienne to a different room than then one she’d just left. He could have found someone to show her and Pod to their chambers, but he did it himself and she was thankful for that. “You’re a little further away from court here, but the room is bigger - the two of you can both stay in here together.” Brienne nodded, appreciative that her and Jaime were on the same page. She had planned to keep Pod close anyway - safety in numbers. 

“When can I see her?” Brienne asked, as Jaime was starting to leave. She knew she was being pushy, but she couldn’t help it. She was feeling a deep sense of urgency to see Lady Catelyn and make sure she was being treated well. 

He sighed and turned around. “I don’t know if I can make that happen.” She stubbornly glared at him. “Listen, she just got here. Let me go find out what’s going on and I’ll come back later and fill you in. Sit tight. Please?” He looked concerned enough for her to agree. 

“Where is everyone, by the way?” Brienne asked, following him to the door. “It’s eerily quiet. There’s no way everyone’s heard about Lady Catelyn already.” There was nary a soul the entire walk through the Keep to the room, which she’d considered a blessing at first, but now was feeling very curious about. 

There was a Knight in the hall that had just passed so Jaime called out to him. “Ser Norwell.” The man stopped and turned around. “Where is everyone?” 

The knight gave him a very strange look. “At the trial Ser,” he replied. “I heard it was almost over though.” 

Jaime glanced over at Brienne and then back at the man. “What - trial?” he asked hesitantly. 

The man looked completely bewildered. “Lord Tyrion’s trial - Your brother.” She saw Jaime’s face turn red and she didn’t know if it was anger or embarrassment. 

“Thank you Ser Norwell, that will be all,” he said, through clenched teeth. The man nodded and continued on his way. 

“They didn’t tell you,” Brienne stated. She couldn’t help but feel sorry for him, which she knew would make him even angrier if he realized it. She’d witnessed the way Jaime was treated by his family in her short time at King’s Landing and it made her sick and angry. She wished, for his sake, that he was given the same respect as everyone else with his surname, particularly by the people with the same last name. 

“Let’s go,” he growled. Brienne waved for Pod to join them and the three of them took off. The closer they made it to court, the busier it got, to the point they were having to push and weave their way through people. “Did she think I was going to offer to be his Champion? With one fucking hand?” Jaime sneered. It wasn’t a question that needed a response. 

“He’s demanded a trial by combat,” someone yelled, as an excited murmur moved through the crowd. 

“Fuck,” Jaime hissed. “You were right,” he glanced over at Brienne. She gave him a sad look. Who could possibly beat the Mountain at single handed combat? She realized, with a sick feeling, the irony in that very thought - if things went like she expected they would, she would also have to face the Mountain. 

“They’re putting her on trial next,” someone else yelled. It was followed by a bunch of cheers and screaming about executing the Queen in the North. 

Brienne caught Jaime’s eye and they started to run, pushing and shoving their way to the doors. When they saw who it was the guards immediately parted the way and let them inside. How could all of this have happened so fast? And without Jaime’s knowledge? Obviously Cersei had somehow known he was going to see Brienne off that morning and planned the trial for when he wouldn’t be there. But why? There was no way Jaime could be Tyrion’s champion anyway. Was it merely another power ploy by Cersei and Tywin to punish Jaime a little more? For what? She gripped the helm of Oathkeeper. Did they know he’d given it to her? 

All her thoughts and questions faded away when she caught sight of Catelyn. Her poor Lady Catelyn, alone in a room filled with enemies. All by herself amongst the very people who had executed her husband, and treated her daughter horribly. Without a second thought she pushed past Jaime, but he grabbed her before she got too far. “Don’t,” he hissed. “You won’t do her any good if you’re locked in jail with her.” 

Brienne sucked in a breath and tried to calm herself. She knew he was right and she needed to trust him. He knew these cruel, horrible people much better than she did, and what they were capable of. The second she aligned herself with Catelyn Stark she would also be amongst enemies. The second everyone knew she was sworn to Cat, they would shun her too. Jaime included, at least in the public eye. He would have to be extremely careful from that point on. She didn’t even know for sure if he would continue to help her. “And it will be a lot harder for me to keep you safe,” he added, as if he was reading her mind.

His words brought her great comfort and she relaxed slightly. Jaime could have made his way to the front and stood in his rightful place, beside the King, beside his father and his sister, but instead he hung around the back, in the shadows with her and Podrick. 

“I can’t believe Oberyn Martell is going to be Tyrion’s champion,” a woman near them whispered to a man who just joined her. 

“Oberyn?” Brienne repeated softly, looking over at Jaime. She was well versed in the history of Westeros and the feuds of the south. Oberyn wanted his shot at avenging his family by killing the Mountain. It made sense. But there was no way he could beat Clegane. There it was again, her doubt that anyone could take him down. 

“Lady Stark,” Cersei said, stepping forward. The entire room went silent as she spoke. “Pleasure to see you again, it’s been a while.”

Silence. It was like every single person was holding their breath, just like she was. Brienne could feel her own heart pounding. When Catelyn finally replied, it wasn’t the voice she remembered. Not even close. “Let’s cut the formalities, shall we?” The strong northern accent was the same, but the tone was hoarse and raspy, and the words seemed to struggle to come out. Yet, she still sounded confident and proud - Brienne knew that was one thing that would never change. 

Something suddenly struck her. Catelyn had missed seeing her eldest daughter by days. Mere days. Sansa disappeared and Catelyn arrived amidst a mob of drunks. Perhaps the Gods were being kind. Sansa had already seen one parent executed at the hands of the Lannisters, or Baratheons perhaps, she didn’t need to see another parent die. She growled low in her throat in frustration with herself. She really needed to change her mindset if she was going to have any hope in Seven Hells at beating the Mountain. 

Brienne returned her attention to the front of the room as Catelyn continued. “No sense in wasting time - I’ll leave my fate to the Gods, just as Lord Tyrion has - I demand a Trial by Combat.” 

“Of course you do,” Cersei replied, in that sickeningly sweet tone of hers, dripping with condescension. “It’s not likely you’ll find a Champion here,” she added with a grin. 

Brienne felt Jaime’s hand on her arm. “Please don’t do this,” he begged in a hushed whisper. “Let them bring in someone from the North for her. You don’t need to do this.” She shook his hand off, but couldn’t bring herself to look at him before she shoved past the group of men in front of her and moved to the aisle, in full view of the front of the room. If she let herself look at Jaime - if she got lost in those eyes for even a moment - No! She had a job to do and this was it. 

“I will be Lady Stark’s Champion,” she announced loudly. The room went into an immediate uproar and she felt herself be jostled and even shoved a bit from behind. Brienne held her ground and enjoyed the brief flicker of shock on Cersei’s face. The Queen had clearly thought her long gone. 

“Well, well, well, there you have it,” Cersei said. Once again, the room went silent the moment she opened her mouth. The respect and obedience these people had for Cersei was quite sickening, but understandable. “Lord Tyrion will have his Trial by Combat at high noon on the morrow, and three days later the Gods will decide Lady Stark’s fate with Brienne of Tarth serving as her Champion.” The smile of satisfaction on Cersei’s face was pure evil. She clearly believed she was getting rid of a bunch of thorns in her side in a matter of a few days. “Take the prisoners to their cells. Court is dismissed.” 

As a couple members of the Kingsguard led Tyrion, and then Catelyn, past the crowd towards the dungeon Brienne was able to touch her shoulder briefly and they shared a smile. “I want to see her,” she said to Jaime, who was surprisingly standing close. “Please. Just for a few minutes,” she begged. 

He glanced around. There was way too much commotion for anyone to be paying them any attention. “I’ll come for you tonight. 5 minutes. Just you.” 

She nodded eagerly. “Thank you.” 

Pod was waiting off to the side as people streamed past them. “I should go. Be safe Lady Brienne,” he said softly. She finally allowed herself to look into his eyes again, really look into his eyes, and she saw how deeply concerned he was for her. Does he know how I feel about him? She wondered, wishing she could stay there looking into his eyes for eternity. Everyone else faded away and for a brief moment it was just the two of them. “I have to go,” he whispered. 

She nodded again. “Wait, Ser Jaime,” she said as he was about to turn. “What about - the sword? What about - Oathkeeper. You should take it back. Your Father -”

“No,” he cut her off. “It’s yours. It will always be yours. You still have an oath to keep. You’ll defend Ned Stark’s wife with a blade forged from his sword.” She could see how hard it was for him to say those words, to think about her fighting a battle to the death, and that in itself gave her the confidence she needed. “See you later,” he said gently. This time when he turned to walk away she let him go. Her eyes wandered back to the front of the room where she met Cersei’s cold stare. She’d been watching the two of them talk and she was not happy. Maybe Brienne should have been terrified by the way the Queen was looking at her. Perhaps she should have been worried. But she was neither of those things. Brienne stared back, just as coldly, and then - she smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise this will get better. I have some surprises along the way if your bear with me. Thank you for reading ❤️❤️

Ser Jaime came and got her that night, as promised and he led her towards the dungeon, but before they got there he made a detour to a dimly lit, empty hallway. “What are we doing here?” Brienne asked, as she watched Jaime put his back against the wall and slide down to sit on the floor. Her guard was up, even with him, but mostly, she just really needed to see Catelyn and make sure she was safe. 

“Sit,” he said calmly. “We may have a bit of a wait.” She continued to stand, staring down at him, waiting for more information. “I don’t like the guards that are down there now. While I can’t guarantee Cersei won’t find out about our late night adventures, we’ll stand a much better chance with the next group coming in.” 

“What happens if she finds out,” Brienne asked, sinking down beside him. “I’m not scared of her,” she added, with a determined and stubborn look in his direction. 

“You should be,” he replied. “There’s no telling what she’s capable of. She is smart though, cunning, that’s the problem. It’s difficult to predict her moves, especially when she lets her emotions interfere with her plans.” 

“Emotions?” Brienne wasn’t following what that had to do with Catelyn or her. “You mean with Tyrion?” 

“Yes, certainly Tyrion. But with you too.” He looked over at her and Brienne felt her heart beat faster. “She doesn’t like our - uh - relationship.” The way he said ‘relationship’ gave her chillbumps. His tone told her that what they had meant something and it meant enough that Cersei not only noticed, but it was something she felt some sort of threat from. “She would never admit it, but it’s quite obvious from her behavior.” He chuckled lightly, “She would kill me if she knew I told you all of that.” 

“Why are you doing this for me?” Brienne asked softly. “You’re home now. You’re safe, surrounded by your family and comrades. You don’t need to put yourself at risk for me, so why?” 

“I actually worry I’m putting you more at risk than myself,” he said with a sigh. 

“That doesn’t answer my question,” she replied, prodding him to tell her the truth. 

“It feels like the right thing to do, I guess,” Jaime said, almost wistfully. “We’ve been through a lot - I trust you, you know that. I hoped by now you might trust me too.” 

The words came out of her mouth and there was nothing she could do to stop them even if she’d wanted to. “I do. I trust you.” 

“Well, before this moment of tenderness passes us both, I should tell you that I was pretty sad at the thought of you leaving, but now I’m wishing I had made you leave a day earlier.” Jaime’s voice was filled with regret. “I’ll be much sadder if you die.” 

She moved her hand to her side and when she did it briefly brushed his. She felt light tingles. When she didn’t move her hand she felt his touch, just barely, as he let the tips of his finger rest gently on hers. It was deliberate, yet cautious enough that he could pretend it wasn’t if he needed to. “You really think I’m going to die?” she asked, wishing he had more faith in her, even if she couldn’t blame him since she’d had the same thoughts herself. 

“Your best chance is if Oberyn somehow wins tomorrow,” he said honestly. “I don’t think Cersei could find another champion that you wouldn’t have a very strong possibility of beating.” 

“I’ll be there tomorrow, watching his every move,” Brienne said. “If the Mountain wins I will know all his weaknesses. I’ll have a chance. I’ll make sure I do,” she said, her voice determined and stubborn. “But ultimately, it’s in the hands of the Gods.” 

“Yes, the Gods,” he said bitterly. “It’s so much easier to believe they control this crazy world isn’t it? Something good happens, we thank the Gods. Something bad happens, we curse the Gods. It’s never just because there are good and bad people, who do amazing and evil things.”

Brienne didn’t have a response. What he was saying sounded logical, but it went against everything she’d believed her whole life and it was hard to make sense of that. They heard voices in the distance that got closer and Jaime held up a finger to make sure she didn’t say anything. When he did, it ended their contact and the warmth he’d brought to her entire body faded away. 

After the voices disappeared Jaime pushed himself to his feet. “Come on. We can go now.” 

Brienne got up, took a deep breath and followed him. When they got to the dungeon Jaime dismissed the guards at the door, asking them to wait in the hall. He took the keys and handed them to Brienne once they were inside, out of sight. He nodded towards the furthest cell and they walked towards it. There were only a couple other prisoners, but they were sleeping. Much to Brienne’s surprise, Tyrion and Catelyn were in the same cell. 

They could have talked through the bars, but Jaime had given her the keys so she opened the cell and they both went inside. “Lady Brienne,” Tyrion said formally, with a nod. “Brother.” 

“They put you both in the same cell?” Jaime commented. 

“I’m sure my sweet sister was hoping Lady Stark would murder me before the morning, save everyone some time.” He glanced over at Catelyn, who surprisingly had a warm smile on her lips. “But it’s been quite nice to have someone intelligent to talk to. She doesn’t say a lot,” he continued. “But if I only have a few days to live, there’s still so much I want to say. I talk. She listens. And so far, no attempts on my life.” 

“So far,” Catelyn said in her raspy voice, her smile widening. Brienne wondered what had transpired in the hours they had been locked up together that had Catelyn seemingly so relaxed and calm, stuck in a cell with a Lannister? She suspected there must have been a lengthy conversation about Sansa. While Brienne actually believed that Tyrion was a good man, much like Jaime, she was surprised by Catelyn’s reaction. Guilt by association should have been enough for her to hate Tyrion with every fiber of her being after all the Lannisters had done to her family. 

“My Lady,” Brienne said, kneeling before Catelyn. “Are you safe and comfortable? Is there anything you need?” 

Cat reached out and gave Brienne’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “I’m as good as can be expected. Thank you.” 

Slowly Brienne rose. She didn’t want to be intrusive, but she couldn’t keep herself from asking. “How - uh - how are you here? Alive? They said -” Her voice trailed off. 

It was difficult to listen to Cat speak. The damage to her vocal cords must have been extensive and it was a miracle she was able to speak at all. “The Gods must have spared me,” she said, with no further details. It was clear she didn’t want to say anymore, so Brienne didn’t push. Perhaps one day she would tell the rest of the story. Maybe it wasn’t something she wanted to discuss in front of Jaime and Tyrion. “Have you heard anything about Sansa?” Catelyn asked, looking every bit as concerned as any mother should be. 

“I’m so sorry,” Brienne shook her head. “No one has any idea where she is.” There was a brief flicker in Catelyn’s eyes that Brienne didn’t miss. She knew something about Sansa. Brienne glanced over her shoulder where Tyrion and Jaime were engaged in an intense private conversation, obviously not paying attention to her and Catelyn. “Is there something -” 

“No,” she said quickly. “I’m just worried about Sansa, that’s all.” Brienne could tell it was more than that, her gut told her that Catelyn knew something. Was there some way she was involved in Sansa’s escape? She quickly let go of that train of thought. Cat was sitting in a cell and Sansa was long gone. It didn’t add up. The idea was preposterous. 

“I was actually leaving to go try to find her,” Brienne said gently. “When those men brought you along the Kingsroad.” She met Catelyn’s eye. “I would have found her.” 

“I believe you would have,” she agreed. “Maybe there’s still a chance,” Cat added, trying to offer some hope. Brienne found herself trying to analyze every single word the woman spoke. Her instincts were on high alert, but she had no idea what she was actually worried about - it was just that things didn’t add up at all and Lady Catelyn didn’t seem willing to elaborate on much of anything. 

A few minutes later when her and Jaime said their goodbyes and locked the cell back up, Brienne left with a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe it was something. And maybe she would never find out one way or the other - she had to live first. 

Jaime walked her slowly back to her room. She knew she should have kept her suspicions to herself, but she had to know if he noticed anything. “Did Catelyn seem to be acting strange to you?” she asked. 

“Her and Tyrion seemed strangely chummy,” he commented. “But maybe that’s what happens when you’re facing death and have no one else to talk to I guess,” Jaime shrugged. 

“Maybe that’s it,” Brienne muttered with a nod. While it may have been part of the issue, she still believed there was more going on. She didn’t bother pursuing that with Jaime. As far as Catelyn was concerned, he was on the other side and Brienne needed to remember that too. 

When they got to the door of her room Jaime stopped and leaned against the door frame. He was studying her with those intense eyes, but there was a hint of a smile on his lips. He seemed to be hesitating, as if he either wasn’t ready to leave her, or he had something more to say. 

“Thank you for arranging that,” Brienne said politely. Jaime didn’t speak, he simply nodded and continued to stare at her. “Uh - maybe we should get some sleep?” She felt her cheeks flush with the intensity of his stare. 

“This could be goodbye,” he said softly, the smile fading away. 

“Oh,” Brienne said with surprise. She actually hadn’t thought of that. This could be the last chance they would have to speak, alone and in private, before - well, before she put her life on the line to save Lady Stark. Jaime stepped closer to her. “Wha - what are you doing?” she stammered. She held her breath. He was so close. 

She felt his hand in hers again, soft and warm. Then Jaime leaned in and placed a lingering kiss on her cheek. “Please don’t die,” he whispered in her ear. His tone was so genuine and earnest. 

She swallowed at the growing lump in her throat. “I - uh - I’ll try not to,” she whispered back. What a ridiculous reply, she thought, her cheeks flushing again. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the feel of him inside her personal space. Without opening them, she knew exactly when he finally drew back. 

He was still holding her hand and Brienne didn’t want him to ever let go. “Sleep well My Lady,” Jaime said, backing away slowly, drawing her hand with him as far as he could before their fingertips separated and his touch was lost to her. 

What just happened? She wondered, as she watched him walk away and fade into the darkness. Brienne decided it was just him reacting emotionally to the very real possibility of her pending demise. But before she closed her eyes to sleep that night she touched her cheek, exactly where his lips had been, and she felt the same tingles and warmth that he’d left in her heart. That moment was something she would never forget for the rest of her life - she could only hope that would be longer than a few more days.


	4. Chapter 4

There was always a strange feeling in the air during a trial by combat. The crowd had an eerie, vibrating excitement running through it. They were there to watch someone die. Many would argue that they were supporting justice in the capital, but the truth was - someone was going to die a horrible, bloody death and they all wanted to see it happen. They would return for the execution too if the right champion won, with the same enthusiasm and anticipation. 

It was a little different for Brienne. She sat up high, in a seat of honor, with all the other distinguished guests of the King. In a few days she would be on center stage while these same people salivated, hoping for a bloodbath that might include her death. There was no denying it, she was surrounded by individuals who wanted her to fail. They wanted to see Catelyn executed just like they watched her husband die not all that long ago. But for the time being, Brienne was given the respect of a Champion and because of that, she had a great view of the battle. 

She watched Oberyn, dance and dodge around, forcing Gregor to chase him. It was clear what his plan was, not unlike what she’d been considering herself. The only chance one had to defeat the big, armor clad man, was to tire him out first. The longer the match, the better as far as she was concerned. It wasn’t long before the taunting started. Oberyn was screaming “You raped her. You killed her. You killed her children.” He said the words over and over again, clearly angering the Mountain. 

Brienne continued to watch, holding her breath as Oberyn held his ground and at one point he even had the upper hand. Stabbed by Oberyn’s spear in the chest and leg, Gregor was weakening. She glanced over and caught Jaime’s eye for the first time. She’d been avoiding looking at him until that point. There was no way the Mountain would be able to fight again in three days. He smiled at her - he had realized the same thing, as well as the fact that there was now a chance his brother might live after all. In those few seconds they were looking at each other, things moved even more into her favor. The Mountain was on the ground, after taking a spear to the stomach and there was blood coming from his mouth. The crowd was in shock. No one had expected this at all. 

Brienne’s eyes were glued to the scene before her. Oberyn was still taunting the Mountain as he lay there, presumably dying. He wanted the big man to admit what he’d done. Brienne on the other hand, was hoping Oberyn would just go ahead and deal the fatal blow, finish this thing for good. Suddenly the tables turned for the final time. If everyone was in shock before, they were completely mystified as Gregor tripped Oberyn and went on a complete rampage until the Dornishman was lying dead on the ground, with his head crushed. 

Brienne felt sick to her stomach, not for herself obviously, because Gregor was also lying on the ground, badly wounded, but for Jaime. In a matter of minutes he had gone from elation at the fact it looked like Tyrion would win his trial and live, to watching his father announce to the crowd that Tyrion was guilty and would be sentenced to die by execution the next day. 

Her mind was reeling and her emotions conflicting. She wouldn’t have to fight Gregor afterall. But who would be the Champion for the realm? Who would she have to face? And Jaime, poor Jaime, would be devastated at the loss of his brother. She could just see him through the crowd of people between them and his face said it all. He was pale and clearly despondent. 

Could things get any worse? Brienne wondered. The answer was a resounding yes. Tywin addressed the crowd. “It seems we’ll need a new Champion to fight in Catelyn Stark’s trial by combat in a few days,” he commented. 

Time seemed to stand still as the crowd fell into a hushed silence and Cersei stood up. “My brother will fight,” she announced. “Ser Jaime Lannister will be the new Champion.” 

Brienne felt bile rise up in her throat. This had to be some kind of joke. She watched as Jaime just sat there, in stunned silence. He didn’t respond at all. Tyrion did though. “This is madness,” he growled. “What are you up to?” 

“Take him away,” Cersei told the guards, who dragged Tyrion away, while he continued to yell. 

Tywin didn’t react, other than a brief glance at his daughter. He was stone cold as usual. His younger son was just sentenced to death and now his older son was headed in the same direction - yet his face showed nothing. No emotion at all. 

Brienne pushed her way through the crowd and got as close to Tywin as she could. She had to try to stop this insanity. “Your Grace, please,” she called out. “This is absurd. The Gods demand a fair fight.” She knew she was fighting against her cause, but she couldn’t battle Jaime. She couldn’t. It wasn’t right. Was it really any different than putting even an above average fighter up against Gregor? She wondered briefly. It wasn’t, she knew that, but this was Jaime. 

He turned towards her slowly. “Perhaps you should count your blessings Lady Brienne,” he said. Now that she was closer she could see that there was emotion, but it was all in his eyes. Tywin was pissed. Cersei had sprung that on him, on them all, and Brienne knew that there was going to be an enraged conversation about it behind closed doors. 

The crowd was dismissed, and people started to leave. Jaime hadn’t moved from where he was seated. She looked over at Cersei and Cersei gave her a cold, stare that was pure evil, with a maniacal smile. It was as if she had heard Brienne say she wasn’t scared of her and was asking - how about now? There was more going on, there had to be. Cersei loved Jaime and she wouldn’t sacrifice his life because of some weird jealousy - would she? Jaime had said there was no telling what his sister was capable of, but this was just unfathomable. 

Brienne wanted to vomit. She felt her stomach swirling with the desperate need to retch. But she had to talk to Jaime before he disappeared and she lost the chance. As she pushed past people who were all headed in the other direction, she saw Cersei walking towards Jaime and realized she might be about to lose her chance. But their conversation, if you could call it that, was brief, and with a huff Cersei turned and walked away. By the time she got to Jaime the arena was mostly cleared out, leaving an eerie silence behind. 

“What is going on?” she asked, breathlessly dropping to her knees in front of him. “Ser Jaime?” He was staring off into space, in a trance. She touched his leg and finally he looked at her. “Did you know that was going to happen?” He slowly shook his head. “Why?” 

“Punishment,” he said. “It’s my punishment.” 

“Death? She wants you dead? That can’t be true,” Brienne said, feeling like retching, yet again. 

He shook his head slowly. “No, she wants me to be the one to kill you because she knows that would be worse than death.” 

His words echoed through her head, swirling around, but not making any sense. “What do you mean? What are you saying?” She had so many questions. 

“You know exactly what I’m saying,” Jaime said, finally looking at her. 

Suddenly it made sense. “It won’t be a fair fight,” she breathed. “She’s going to help you cheat somehow so you can beat me.” The look on his face told her she was right. “But she can’t do that,” Brienne sputtered. “It’s up to the Gods - that’s the whole point.” 

“Cersei thinks she is a God,” Jaime whispered. “She gets what she wants. She always has.” 

There was still something else he’d said that didn’t make sense to her. “How would killing me be worse than death?” she pondered out loud, not actually directing the question at him, but simply vocalizing what was in her head. She knew that for her, killing him would be next to impossible. But she had feelings for him, deep, strong feelings - it was time to just fully accept it - she was in love with him. 

Jaime stood up and looked down at her. Those eyes, there was so much in there, too much for her to figure out though. He shrugged. “It doesn’t matter anymore,” was all he said, before he stepped around her and walked away. 

Once he was gone she did throw up. The highs and lows of a matter of hours were so taxing she felt too exhausted to even stand up. She pulled her knees to her chest, and sitting there all alone in the arena, she let herself cry. Brienne didn’t know if she was crying for herself, or for Jaime, or for Lady Catelyn, maybe it was all three. But she did know her faith in the Gods was diminished beyond repair. The Gods didn’t control the world, they never had - people did and always would. 

After a few minutes of tears Brienne wiped them away. Her strength and determination returned quickly. Maybe it was juvenile and naive to believe it, but she had to put her faith in the fact that there were still good people in the world, people like her, and the good guys would prevail in the end - they had to.


End file.
